Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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