I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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