you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize