I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
FUCK WHALES
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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