I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
