he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
