i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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