DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
