remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
