The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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