i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
