I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have demons in me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
