It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
