dude i'm inner monologue high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
