he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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