break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
