So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
