I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
