Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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