The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
