Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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