Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
