I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I supernannyed him into submission
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
