Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
