I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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