Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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