We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
