I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
