so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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