Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
