I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
