I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
