Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
