Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
