My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
