It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
