im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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