I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
