why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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