I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
