At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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