I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
