i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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