tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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