She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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