Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
