They should really pass out barf bags in church
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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