all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
