So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
