dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And then my night got REAL pukey
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
