Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
