so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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