So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
