Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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